what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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