really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
