the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Randomize
