so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
