I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
