uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
