I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
