We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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