well I can't set my house on fire every night
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
