'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
