I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
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