you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
birth control should be required to get into college
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
