I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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