omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
