i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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