No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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