I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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