The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
no you cant smoke seaweed
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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