I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I can't turn off my feet"
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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