How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
