I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
