Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
