i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
