Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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