I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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