I'm laying in your front yard are you home
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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