WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
