On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
