Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
