I just saw a hot homeless man
please come you make the beer taste better
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
