your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
it's like iHOP with fire
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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