I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
