2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Randomize
