...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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