Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
