That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
