No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I just found puke in my bra..
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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