He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
