my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Come see our sink grown plant.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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