I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
