He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
