she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
So much rum. So many feels.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
