His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
