Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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