Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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