i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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