WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
