he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
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just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
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Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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