When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
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