If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize