sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
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Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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