i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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