It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
