First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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