i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
