good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
