I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Randomize
