I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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