I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
