Jerry, you need to find god
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
