His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
