So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Come on in and take your pants off
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