Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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