I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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