for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
