I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
