Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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