You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Randomize
