Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
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remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
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I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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