I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
