They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize