I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
