used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
this boner is exhausting
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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