Porn is love you can see.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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