oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
