I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
