i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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