My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
