we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
