if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
