Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
