You really coming over, don't trick.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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