I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
