I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
