did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I wanna passion pit in your ass
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
