omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
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