He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
