I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
