had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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