sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
