I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
COCAINE IS GR8
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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